Bitter? I'm not bitter

Still here. The weather has just been so amazing that we've been spending all of our free time outdoors so I've been on the computer far less. We live far enough south that in a month or 2 it will be too hot to be outside all day so we enjoy spring around these parts.

Still keeping on keeping on with the attempts at fitness. As my 2 commenters noted in my previous post, scales are evil. I've always believed that and avoided them as a result. But that wasn't working so I thought maybe the scale would help me feel accountable. Instead it depressed me. So I haven't been on it since. My Wii Fit claims I've lost 1.5 lbs from the first time I weighed in on it 12 days ago but it is on carpet and I don't trust that it is entirely accurate. At least it is moving in the right direction.

While I'm not seeing major changes, my husband has already dropped 2 pant sizes. I'm torn between being proud of him, happy for him, and wanting to stab him in the forehead with a fork every time he trots out a new item of clothing that didn't fit 6 weeks ago. I really am happy for his results but it does make me scream in my head "Where are my results?!?"

The gym continues to be the same - I don't usually hate it, I don't love it. I've been trying to spend a little time with weights and my upper body on days I'm not at the gym because I've noticed my arms and shoulders are a lot weaker than they used to be. I play around with the Wii Fit but it doesn't feel like real exercise because everything is short little vignettes. And I've been walking/playing with the kids outside. So I feel like I've been pretty active.

Food - good days and bad. I'm not good at total restriction so I will admit that I have had a Reese's peanut butter egg here and there over the past couple weeks. I've had to make myself eat a bigger breakfast and be more deliberate in eating lunch at a reasonable hour. I was eating 200 calories for breakfast at 8am and then the day would get away from me. At 2:30 pm I would be ravenous and eat too much while telling myself it was okay because I had barely eaten anything all day.

Lunch today: greek chicken (a little olive oil and some spices then broiled) and tzatkiki sauce (fat free greek yogurt, cucumber, green onion, garlic, lemon, dill). I often do this as a wrap with lettuce but I am out of wraps at the moment and my lettuce is looking rather wilty.

Breakfast today: coffee w/skim milk, 1/2 a banana, turkey smoked sausage, whole wheat toast w/peanut butter.

ShredFail Present!

Little unintended hiatus. Sorry about that. I guess my little blog here is so dull that I bored myself. Actually, spring has sprung and I've been busy living life.

I'm still plugging along. I was traveling last weekend and ate out for 3 days straight (not to mention a little alcohol indulgence) w/o any exercise other than walking so I skipped weigh in on Monday. I didn't want to be discouraged. That said, my husband came home with a Wii Fit Plus yesterday so it weighed me. It called me young-ish and fat. (Wii Fit age 32 which is 5 years less than my actual age - I'll take it!) It also indicted that I've gained 2 lbs since my last weigh in which may or may not be entirely accurate since our board is on carpet but regardless...that means since I started eating better and exercising, I've actually gained 5 lbs total. WTF?!? And don't give me the whole muscle weighs more thing - I haven't gained that much muscle in 3 weeks. So...sit on the couch and not pay much attention to what I shove in my piehole = maintain weight. Get my behind out of bed before dawn several days a week to go to the gym, try to take walks w/kids on non-gym days, now adding in Wii Fit on non-gym days, watch food intake (including so many salads I may have a green tint to my skin) = gain 5 lbs in 3 weeks. Nice.

And the other thing that burns my biscuits? My husband has LOST 15 LBS in that same time period. Good for him but EFF me!

That aside, I'm going to keep at it. Science must prevail. Eating less and moving more has to eventually result in the scale going in the right direction. Right?

Breakfast this morning was a toaster waffle w/sliced strawberries on top. Lunch = a big salad (I measure everything including the dressing to be sure of calories). Dinner will be a greek chicken pita thingy I'm making up. The "pitas" are actually flat wraps (90 calories for a really big wrap) and the tzatiki sauce will be made w/low fat greek yogurt, cucumber, lemon juice, garlic and fresh herbs. The marinade for the chicken does have some olive oil in it but otherwise a pretty healthy dinner.

Half Way Through Wednesday

Exercise: Today was my gym day. I did 20 minutes on the bike, the weight machines, and 13 minutes on the True Stride elliptical thingy.

Breakfast this morning was Kashi Warm Cinnamon Heart to Heart cereal. I think this looks even more like cat food than the Honey Toasted flavor. I wasn't a big fan of the taste either. And half a banana.

Lunch so far (it has been a busy day) has been a handful of peanuts and a couple of wheat thins with hummus. I'll find some protein - maybe some turkey - and a pear.

Dinner tonight is undecided. Last night, I made chicken verde. My husband loves this dish. It used to be enchiladas but I started just baking the filling and he can crush some tortilla chips on it and I can have it plain. I'll share the recipe but you can really do whatever you want with it.

Chicken Verde
2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded
1 can black beans
1 small bag frozen corn (canned works too)
1 can diced chiles (1 can diced jalapenos too if you like heat)
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 TBL cumin
Dash cayenne
Dash ground chipotle pepper
1 jar salsa verde (easy to make if you have access to fresh tomatillos)
Handful of fresh cilantro if you have it
1 cup shredded cheese of choice (I used 2% mexican blend)

Throw it all together and bake at 350 for 25 minutes. Can serve with chips and sour cream if desired.

Tuesday news

Today is not my gym day (hubby and I trade off) but the weather is looking decent so hopefully I'll get out for a walk with the kids at least.

Breakfast looked like this:


This was the first time I tried the yoplait greek yogurt and I couldn't finish it. I like yogurt but I wasn't a fan of this stuff. It felt gritty in my mouth. I choked down about half of it.
Lunch will likely be a salad. Dinner isn't decided yet but will probably be a chicken verde (used to be enchiladas but I've stopped wrapping the mixture in tortillas and just bake it) concoction that we like. Last night dinner looked like this:

That is tilapia (drizzled w/a little olive oil then a spicy rub and broiled), baby peas, and a Green Giant Steamfresh mix of red potatoes and green beans - it was pretty good for a quick microwave thing. We eat on salad plates almost every night - and only a little bit because it controls portions a bit. We started doing it when we bought this set of dishes because the dinner plates are enormous. We had no idea how big they really were until we brought them home - our cupboard doors don't quite close and they don't fit in the dishwasher. So I use them as serving dishes and we eat off the of the salad plates which are a generous size. I have some dinner plates from another set that aren't as gigantic that we use if we need a larger plate for some reason (corn on the cob, etc).

Well that sucked

Here we are at Monday again. It just keeps coming around, doesn't it?

I went to the gym this morning. I did 20 minutes on the bike, the weight machines (I increased all the weights by 5-10 lbs), and 12 minutes on the elliptical thingy (the ones I like were taken so I had to use one of the others which claimed I burned fewer calories but I was sweating harder so I'm not sure I believe it).

This was breakfast. The Kashi Heart to Heart Honey Toasted Cereal looks suspiciously like cat food. It tastes a little better than I imagine cat food must taste. I will finish the box but I'm not sure I will buy it again. At only 120 calories for the 3/4 cup serving I guess I can't complain. Also some turkey because I am trying to have protein with eat meal. Breakfast (w/milk on cereal) came in just over 200 calories.

Lunch will likely be a salad. Dinner is too far off to think about quite yet.

The weekend was a wash out exercise wise. I didn't make it to the gym. I did take a walk with my kiddos on Saturday. Sunday I did a little gardening.

Monday. I said Monday would be weigh-in day - Mondays already suck anyway, right? Well, today's weigh in was ugly - +3. I don't know how - I'm eating less and moving more than I was just 2 weeks ago. But while it is discouraging, it reminds me why I don't own a scale. I can't let a number derail my efforts. I know I am retaining some water (being a girl sucks sometimes) and I also know that if I stick with this, I will be healthier. So, onward.

Irony

At the same time I am working to lose weight, I am working to plump up my youngest child. The doctor is concerned that she isn't gaining weight as quickly as she should (currently in the 2nd percentile for her age group). We've been through some testing and haven't found anything so we have resorted to packing as many calories into her foods as we can.

All of my life, food and calories have been bad things. Even before my weight was truly an issue, my weight obsessed family made it one. Baby fat was just plain old fat. Now I am working hard to get more fat on my youngest and it is weird because it goes against everything I've been taught is right. I make pudding with full fat milk AND add powdered milk to boost the calories. I make her blueberry muffins (from a mix - I don't bake) that call for 3 eggs and 1/3 cup of oil for 10 muffins - the calories in the muffins are obscene. Then I make myself a salad and try not to lick the spoon. It is just funny in that laughter bordering on hysteria kind of way.

Her doctor said "If she is eating bread, it should have butter on it." And "Gravy is good." So I spend much of my day singing Alanis Morrissette in my head "Isn't it ironic?"

Insert witty title here

No food photos today. I had a sick child yesterday so I was more focused on avoiding vomit splatter than taking photos of my food. Also due to that I didn't make it to the gym yesterday but I did go up and down the steps 337 times to change sheets and PJs and other laundry and vomit related activities so that should count for something.

Food
Yesterday, I'm not sure what I ate for breakfast. Lunch was chicken salad and left over steamed broccoli. Dinner was a taco-ish salad (taco meat, black olives, green onions, lots of lettuce, a little shredded cheese, and a little light catalina dressing), 1/4 cup of black beans, and 1/4 cup of Spanish rice.

This morning's breakfast was 2 eggs, 2 pieces of wheat bread, and 2 cups of coffee w/1 cup of skim milk. I've been having 1 egg and 1 piece of bread but I was really hungry this morning. Lunch will most likely be a salad as pictured/described in previous days. Dinner is most likely going to be Shrimp Gyoza (Trader Joe's) and steamed broccoli.

Exercise
Hit the gym this morning (traded days with my husband since I couldn't go yesterday). Did my normal 20 minutes on the bike, most of the weight machines, and 12 minutes on the True Stride elliptical thingy.

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I have refused to buy clothing for me at this size. I have been wearing clothes formerly boxed up and labeled "Fat Clothes". The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I was afraid to get rid of my clothes because I hoped to be pregnant at some point. I didn't want to have to buy fat clothes if I needed them briefly after pregnancy. My baby is going to be 2 this summer so "briefly" wasn't so brief. I never dreamed I would balloon up and stay here after pregnancy. But here I am. So I dug out those boxes and have been wearing those clothes. They don't all fit well because pregnancy changed my body. And most were professional clothes and I'm a stay at home mom. So I've been wearing just a few things for the past 18 months. I didn't want to buy anything new because that felt like admitting I was going to stay fat. (My closet is full of my skinny clothes for the same reason.) I've bought some work out clothes but that was about it. Until yesterday. I finally had to admit that I needed a couple of shirts because having children has ruined my old shirts (stains and stretched out from the constantly tugging on me). I hated doing it and only allowed myself 2 shirts from the clearance rack and 1 shirt that was on sale. I spent less than $20. I will admit to feeling a little better with a couple of decent tops but I still hate investing in anything this size.