Bitter? I'm not bitter

Still here. The weather has just been so amazing that we've been spending all of our free time outdoors so I've been on the computer far less. We live far enough south that in a month or 2 it will be too hot to be outside all day so we enjoy spring around these parts.

Still keeping on keeping on with the attempts at fitness. As my 2 commenters noted in my previous post, scales are evil. I've always believed that and avoided them as a result. But that wasn't working so I thought maybe the scale would help me feel accountable. Instead it depressed me. So I haven't been on it since. My Wii Fit claims I've lost 1.5 lbs from the first time I weighed in on it 12 days ago but it is on carpet and I don't trust that it is entirely accurate. At least it is moving in the right direction.

While I'm not seeing major changes, my husband has already dropped 2 pant sizes. I'm torn between being proud of him, happy for him, and wanting to stab him in the forehead with a fork every time he trots out a new item of clothing that didn't fit 6 weeks ago. I really am happy for his results but it does make me scream in my head "Where are my results?!?"

The gym continues to be the same - I don't usually hate it, I don't love it. I've been trying to spend a little time with weights and my upper body on days I'm not at the gym because I've noticed my arms and shoulders are a lot weaker than they used to be. I play around with the Wii Fit but it doesn't feel like real exercise because everything is short little vignettes. And I've been walking/playing with the kids outside. So I feel like I've been pretty active.

Food - good days and bad. I'm not good at total restriction so I will admit that I have had a Reese's peanut butter egg here and there over the past couple weeks. I've had to make myself eat a bigger breakfast and be more deliberate in eating lunch at a reasonable hour. I was eating 200 calories for breakfast at 8am and then the day would get away from me. At 2:30 pm I would be ravenous and eat too much while telling myself it was okay because I had barely eaten anything all day.

Lunch today: greek chicken (a little olive oil and some spices then broiled) and tzatkiki sauce (fat free greek yogurt, cucumber, green onion, garlic, lemon, dill). I often do this as a wrap with lettuce but I am out of wraps at the moment and my lettuce is looking rather wilty.

Breakfast today: coffee w/skim milk, 1/2 a banana, turkey smoked sausage, whole wheat toast w/peanut butter.

ShredFail Present!

Little unintended hiatus. Sorry about that. I guess my little blog here is so dull that I bored myself. Actually, spring has sprung and I've been busy living life.

I'm still plugging along. I was traveling last weekend and ate out for 3 days straight (not to mention a little alcohol indulgence) w/o any exercise other than walking so I skipped weigh in on Monday. I didn't want to be discouraged. That said, my husband came home with a Wii Fit Plus yesterday so it weighed me. It called me young-ish and fat. (Wii Fit age 32 which is 5 years less than my actual age - I'll take it!) It also indicted that I've gained 2 lbs since my last weigh in which may or may not be entirely accurate since our board is on carpet but regardless...that means since I started eating better and exercising, I've actually gained 5 lbs total. WTF?!? And don't give me the whole muscle weighs more thing - I haven't gained that much muscle in 3 weeks. So...sit on the couch and not pay much attention to what I shove in my piehole = maintain weight. Get my behind out of bed before dawn several days a week to go to the gym, try to take walks w/kids on non-gym days, now adding in Wii Fit on non-gym days, watch food intake (including so many salads I may have a green tint to my skin) = gain 5 lbs in 3 weeks. Nice.

And the other thing that burns my biscuits? My husband has LOST 15 LBS in that same time period. Good for him but EFF me!

That aside, I'm going to keep at it. Science must prevail. Eating less and moving more has to eventually result in the scale going in the right direction. Right?

Breakfast this morning was a toaster waffle w/sliced strawberries on top. Lunch = a big salad (I measure everything including the dressing to be sure of calories). Dinner will be a greek chicken pita thingy I'm making up. The "pitas" are actually flat wraps (90 calories for a really big wrap) and the tzatiki sauce will be made w/low fat greek yogurt, cucumber, lemon juice, garlic and fresh herbs. The marinade for the chicken does have some olive oil in it but otherwise a pretty healthy dinner.

Half Way Through Wednesday

Exercise: Today was my gym day. I did 20 minutes on the bike, the weight machines, and 13 minutes on the True Stride elliptical thingy.

Breakfast this morning was Kashi Warm Cinnamon Heart to Heart cereal. I think this looks even more like cat food than the Honey Toasted flavor. I wasn't a big fan of the taste either. And half a banana.

Lunch so far (it has been a busy day) has been a handful of peanuts and a couple of wheat thins with hummus. I'll find some protein - maybe some turkey - and a pear.

Dinner tonight is undecided. Last night, I made chicken verde. My husband loves this dish. It used to be enchiladas but I started just baking the filling and he can crush some tortilla chips on it and I can have it plain. I'll share the recipe but you can really do whatever you want with it.

Chicken Verde
2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded
1 can black beans
1 small bag frozen corn (canned works too)
1 can diced chiles (1 can diced jalapenos too if you like heat)
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 TBL cumin
Dash cayenne
Dash ground chipotle pepper
1 jar salsa verde (easy to make if you have access to fresh tomatillos)
Handful of fresh cilantro if you have it
1 cup shredded cheese of choice (I used 2% mexican blend)

Throw it all together and bake at 350 for 25 minutes. Can serve with chips and sour cream if desired.

Tuesday news

Today is not my gym day (hubby and I trade off) but the weather is looking decent so hopefully I'll get out for a walk with the kids at least.

Breakfast looked like this:


This was the first time I tried the yoplait greek yogurt and I couldn't finish it. I like yogurt but I wasn't a fan of this stuff. It felt gritty in my mouth. I choked down about half of it.
Lunch will likely be a salad. Dinner isn't decided yet but will probably be a chicken verde (used to be enchiladas but I've stopped wrapping the mixture in tortillas and just bake it) concoction that we like. Last night dinner looked like this:

That is tilapia (drizzled w/a little olive oil then a spicy rub and broiled), baby peas, and a Green Giant Steamfresh mix of red potatoes and green beans - it was pretty good for a quick microwave thing. We eat on salad plates almost every night - and only a little bit because it controls portions a bit. We started doing it when we bought this set of dishes because the dinner plates are enormous. We had no idea how big they really were until we brought them home - our cupboard doors don't quite close and they don't fit in the dishwasher. So I use them as serving dishes and we eat off the of the salad plates which are a generous size. I have some dinner plates from another set that aren't as gigantic that we use if we need a larger plate for some reason (corn on the cob, etc).

Well that sucked

Here we are at Monday again. It just keeps coming around, doesn't it?

I went to the gym this morning. I did 20 minutes on the bike, the weight machines (I increased all the weights by 5-10 lbs), and 12 minutes on the elliptical thingy (the ones I like were taken so I had to use one of the others which claimed I burned fewer calories but I was sweating harder so I'm not sure I believe it).

This was breakfast. The Kashi Heart to Heart Honey Toasted Cereal looks suspiciously like cat food. It tastes a little better than I imagine cat food must taste. I will finish the box but I'm not sure I will buy it again. At only 120 calories for the 3/4 cup serving I guess I can't complain. Also some turkey because I am trying to have protein with eat meal. Breakfast (w/milk on cereal) came in just over 200 calories.

Lunch will likely be a salad. Dinner is too far off to think about quite yet.

The weekend was a wash out exercise wise. I didn't make it to the gym. I did take a walk with my kiddos on Saturday. Sunday I did a little gardening.

Monday. I said Monday would be weigh-in day - Mondays already suck anyway, right? Well, today's weigh in was ugly - +3. I don't know how - I'm eating less and moving more than I was just 2 weeks ago. But while it is discouraging, it reminds me why I don't own a scale. I can't let a number derail my efforts. I know I am retaining some water (being a girl sucks sometimes) and I also know that if I stick with this, I will be healthier. So, onward.

Irony

At the same time I am working to lose weight, I am working to plump up my youngest child. The doctor is concerned that she isn't gaining weight as quickly as she should (currently in the 2nd percentile for her age group). We've been through some testing and haven't found anything so we have resorted to packing as many calories into her foods as we can.

All of my life, food and calories have been bad things. Even before my weight was truly an issue, my weight obsessed family made it one. Baby fat was just plain old fat. Now I am working hard to get more fat on my youngest and it is weird because it goes against everything I've been taught is right. I make pudding with full fat milk AND add powdered milk to boost the calories. I make her blueberry muffins (from a mix - I don't bake) that call for 3 eggs and 1/3 cup of oil for 10 muffins - the calories in the muffins are obscene. Then I make myself a salad and try not to lick the spoon. It is just funny in that laughter bordering on hysteria kind of way.

Her doctor said "If she is eating bread, it should have butter on it." And "Gravy is good." So I spend much of my day singing Alanis Morrissette in my head "Isn't it ironic?"

Insert witty title here

No food photos today. I had a sick child yesterday so I was more focused on avoiding vomit splatter than taking photos of my food. Also due to that I didn't make it to the gym yesterday but I did go up and down the steps 337 times to change sheets and PJs and other laundry and vomit related activities so that should count for something.

Food
Yesterday, I'm not sure what I ate for breakfast. Lunch was chicken salad and left over steamed broccoli. Dinner was a taco-ish salad (taco meat, black olives, green onions, lots of lettuce, a little shredded cheese, and a little light catalina dressing), 1/4 cup of black beans, and 1/4 cup of Spanish rice.

This morning's breakfast was 2 eggs, 2 pieces of wheat bread, and 2 cups of coffee w/1 cup of skim milk. I've been having 1 egg and 1 piece of bread but I was really hungry this morning. Lunch will most likely be a salad as pictured/described in previous days. Dinner is most likely going to be Shrimp Gyoza (Trader Joe's) and steamed broccoli.

Exercise
Hit the gym this morning (traded days with my husband since I couldn't go yesterday). Did my normal 20 minutes on the bike, most of the weight machines, and 12 minutes on the True Stride elliptical thingy.

*******************
I have refused to buy clothing for me at this size. I have been wearing clothes formerly boxed up and labeled "Fat Clothes". The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I was afraid to get rid of my clothes because I hoped to be pregnant at some point. I didn't want to have to buy fat clothes if I needed them briefly after pregnancy. My baby is going to be 2 this summer so "briefly" wasn't so brief. I never dreamed I would balloon up and stay here after pregnancy. But here I am. So I dug out those boxes and have been wearing those clothes. They don't all fit well because pregnancy changed my body. And most were professional clothes and I'm a stay at home mom. So I've been wearing just a few things for the past 18 months. I didn't want to buy anything new because that felt like admitting I was going to stay fat. (My closet is full of my skinny clothes for the same reason.) I've bought some work out clothes but that was about it. Until yesterday. I finally had to admit that I needed a couple of shirts because having children has ruined my old shirts (stains and stretched out from the constantly tugging on me). I hated doing it and only allowed myself 2 shirts from the clearance rack and 1 shirt that was on sale. I spent less than $20. I will admit to feeling a little better with a couple of decent tops but I still hate investing in anything this size.

The Blog Post About Nothing

Oh look. It's Tuesday. And I have nothing exciting to share - just photos of my food and tales of how today isn't my gym morning (Husband gets T,H,F mornings). I have an appointment this evening so no evening gym time for me today. I can't take the kids for a walk because - surprise, surprise - it is raining again. And I just don't want to go walk on the treadmill so today might get a big fat zero in the exercise department. In other news, the Wii my husband brought home the other day doesn't work so the Wii Fit issue is moot for the moment. Not sure if Best Buy will let us return it or if we have to send it to the Wii folks.

Food:

Yesterday's lunch was a salad as predicted. Lettuce, raw broccoli, feta, sunflower seeds, halved red grapes and 1.5 T of dressing.

Dinner was fish and shrimp and peas.

Breakfast today was a little wild and crazy. My oldest asked for pancakes - meaning Trader Joe's Pumpkin Pancakes.

I can't resist them so I had 2 (inexplicably football shaped) pancakes (that is a salad plate so while they weren't small, they aren't as gigantic as they look) dusted w/powdered sugar instead of syrup and a couple of strawberries for breakfast this morning. No protein and certainly not a low calorie breakfast. But it wasn't outrageous and it tasted yummy. Unfortunately, the lack of protein and meaningful calories meant that by lunch I was ready to chew off my own arm. Lunch was the same chicken salad as yesterday's breakfast and a slice of cheddar cheese. Dinner is unclear at this point. I probably ought to go dig something out of the freezer to throw on the grill tonight.

Monday. We meet again.

Karen gave me an award just because I came back to my blog. Makes me feel all warm and tingly and welcome in this corner of the blogosphere. I have another blog. One that I don't abandon for 9 months at a time. One where I talk about everything but my weight and fitness struggles. One where I've been writing for 4 years now. I feel quite at home in that corner of the blogosphere but it is weird/hard/awkward to hang out in a new corner. Kind of like being the new kid at school and not knowing what table to sit down at in the cafeteria.

Weekend recap

Food wise I didn't do my Fit Day log either day because we were busy and I was lazy. I didn't eat fabulously but I did watch my portions. Sunday I had coffee in the morning but didn't eat anything until 3:30pm. I don't know why. But I managed to graze a little rather than inhale 2 meals worth of food because I was so hungry.

Saturday I went to the gym. I did 25 minutes on the bike w/ the arm poles. I did all of the weight machines except a couple of leg ones because my quads are still sore. Then I finished with 12 minutes on the True Stride (kind of like an elliptical w/o the incline and with arm poles). Amazing that 12 minutes on it burned more calories and claimed almost the same distance as 25 minutes on the bike.

Sunday I didn't do much of anything exercise wise.

Today

Food: Breakfast looked like this. It is a little more than a cup of chicken salad (made with shredded, poached chicken breast, a little light mayo, green onion, a little juice from the dill pickle jar, and a mix of dried cranberries, cherries, blueberries, and golden raisins) and coffee with 1/2 cup of skim milk (and probably a second cup just like the first to follow). Assuming the second cup of coffee, I'm at about 365 calories for breakfast.

Lunch will likely look like the salad posted last week. I bought a big bin of baby spring mix at Sam's Club this weekend so lots of salads in my future.

Exercise: Today was one of my gym mornings (husband and I are trading off mornings before he goes to work). I don't have as much time during the week because I have to get back home so my husband can get going to work but I managed 20 minutes on the bike w/ the arm poles. I did a circuit of the weight machines except a few of the leg ones again - still babying my quads. I finished with 12 minutes on the True Stride.

Weigh in: I think I will make Mondays a weigh in day. I've always been adamantly anti-scales. I don't own one. I know when things are going well and not going well by how my pants fit. But obviously that isn't working for me because my fat pants are pretty darn snug. So I'm going to try this weigh in thing and see if it helps motivate me. If I get too caught up in the numbers, I will change to bi-weekly or monthly but I'll start out with weekly and see how it goes. We'll call today the first one since I just started back at this trying to get in shape thing last week and my last known weight was in December when I was at the doctor. This morning, I weighed in at the gym: 225.

Finally, a question. Does anyone have/use the Wii Fit? Thoughts? Is it worth the money? My husband just bought a Wii and we've been trying to decide if we want to invest in the Wii Fit for the mornings that are our off days for the gym.

Let's not talk about it

My quad muscles are really bothering me so I skipped the gym this afternoon. I'm torn between thinking I am making excuses and knowing that I legitimately don't want to make it worse so that I have to take a week off of the gym. We'll call it a toss up.

Friday nights are usually take out/order in night in our house. I thought we might skip it tonight since we ordered in last night but my husband wanted to go out. We ended up at an Italian place and let's just say it wasn't pretty. I got veal parmesan it was yummy. And we got cheesecake. Lots of bad food decisions but we had a fun evening out as a family. My only saving grace was that I was only at about 600 calories when we left the house for dinner. Calories still ended up much higher than I would like for the day but the damage could have been worse if I hadn't been eating well up until then today.

It is all good. In the past, I might have used tonight as an excuse to just throw the whole weekend (or week or month) out the window food wise. I mean, I already messed it up so why bother? But I'm not feeling that way tonight. I am feeling fine. I will go to the gym tomorrow. I will stop at the store to stock up on salad fixings and keep plodding along. This is life. I like food. I'm not going to stop enjoying food...I just need to stop abusing it.

Look! The next day not 9 months later.

I did my best to be accurate about last night's take out dinner and then night out with girl friends. But honestly, I have no idea how much rum I drank. I had 2 short rum and diet coke with a lime wedge. So that is a total guess. And the chips? They were on the table and I munched but have no idea exactly how many I ate. I didn't eat the whole basket...but it was more than a couple. And the ribs for dinner weren't spareribs - they were babybacks but I couldn't find that in the Fit Day menu. I tried to compensate by adding 2 more ribs because I ate 5 but the calories didn't seem high enough. So this is how yesterday looked - or my best estimation of it.

And as I mentioned before, I am always fascinated to see how other's eat. I will continue to share pictures as I snap them. Breakfast today (and yesterday but no banana yesterday - coffee instead). Just an egg in a nest or hobo sandwich - whatever you call it. I use cooking spray instead of any butter or oil so it is just 1 egg and 1 piece of bread. (It is the only way I can fry an egg without breaking the yolk.)

And yesterday's lunch. A yummy salad and 1.5 Tablespoons of dressing. (I make my own dressing and it is rather potent so I don't need a lot of dressing.)

Today is another rainy day so I won't get outside to walk with the kids. I will either get on my treadmill during their nap again today or I will go to the gym when my husband gets home from work. Just depends on how the day works itself out. I will update food and activity later.

Can we add Schmuck to my name? Or I'M BACK!

Let's see...when we last left off in JULY. Ack! And I haven't even looked at this blog so I didn't realize some of you came back to cheer me on. I suck. Thank you for checking in on me.

I did fall off the band wagon. For a variety of reasons or excuses depending how you wish to see it. I didn't make it 30 days with the shred. I started alternating it with a strength video and then some medical things came up that prevented me from doing anything that strenuous for awhile. Then I got lazy. Then medical crap again. Then the holidays. Then I got lazy. And I find myself almost 9 months later trying to get back to it.

First? I quit the shred. I hate it. I might pull it out now and then if I can't do anything else because it is quick. But I just hate it too much to make myself do it regularly. BUT I will say that I started doing the strength video of my husband's that I mentioned in my last post (ahem...9 months ago) and it seems ridiculously easy. Then I quit doing anything for a little while and tried to do the strength video again and WHOA it wasn't so easy any more. So I may hate Jillian but I was getting results even if I didn't see them.

New plan. I'm not making any promises. I'm treating this like AA - One Day At A Time. (No, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a former addiction counselor. Addicted to food - irony?) So I hope to post here regularly again but I can't promise I won't disappear. Let's just hope it is for days rather than most of a year.

We've joined a gym. My husband and I are alternating mornings before the girls are up and before he goes to work. I used to go to the gym almost daily when I was single and before kids. I do enjoy it more than a video or treadmill at home. Well maybe enjoy isn't the right word. I'm cheap and I don't want to waste my money. Plus once I'm there, I feel all of the eyes judging me if I quit too soon. So frugality and peer pressure for the win. Whatever works.

On the days I don't go to the gym, I'm going to try and do SOMETHING at home. Today it was the treadmill because it is raining outside. That something might just be a stroll with the kids - but I need to get my ass off the couch.

Yesterday (3/10/10) was my first day at the gym. I did 12 minutes on the cross trainer thing (like an elliptical). I hate that thing - always have. It kicks my butt (or my quads to be more precise). Then I did all of the weight machines minus the quad one because they were already burning and I have a tendency to rip them and then not be able to do anything for a week - including get off the toilet without whimpering. And finished with 15 minutes on the bike that also has arm poles. I was there for just over an hour.

Today
FBS: 243

Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 piece of wheat bread (no butter), 2 cups of coffee with about 1 cup of skim milk total (I like it light and my mug is huge).

Exercise: 31 minutes on the treadmill here at home. I burned 195 calories and walked 1.4 miles.

Lunch: big salad with turkey, feta, and a small amount of sunflower seeds, pepitas, and dried cranberries and dried cherries. 2 T dressing

Snack: will be Smart Pop Kettle Corn

Dinner will be unhealthy BBQ pork take out. And margaritas. It is girls night. I'm not giving up the good stuff just hoping to watch my portions.

Final confession: at my last doctor appointment I was 226 pounds (I am 5'8 not 6'5 so that is an ugly number). Short(ish) term is to get under 200. We'll go from there.