Saturday, July 11, 2009

Day 19

Day 19 Level 2 (Day 4 on Level 2)

Eh - I don't have anything new to add. Sucks, shoulders hurt, yada, yada, yada.


As you can tell if you look at my food logs, I tend to eat the same things. I get on kicks and stick with them until I get sick of it or until that food is gone. So breakfast and lunch looks similar from day to day. Dinner varies so that my family doesn't mutiny. Last night was pizza at my husband's request. Since that require any cooking for me, I didn't object. I had 2 pieces and 1/2 the crust from my daughter's piece. I was surprised by how full I felt - I'vce only been really modifying my food intake for less than a week. But I was quite satisfied. I actually didn't end up eating the truffle bar but I was making something to take to a cook out today and I liked the pudding spoon a couple of times (I didn't put it back in don't worry) so I figure it probably evened out to the truffle bar.
Roots part deux
I was thinking more about the roots post I did the other day. I think the thing that I find the most remarkable is how much it all skewed my sense of self. My memory is of being a fat kid. People who loved me told me I was fat so I must have been, right? But I see photos of myself and I wasn't fat. I wasn't even particularly chubby. I was a little soft and rounded but aren't 8 and 9 year olds supposed to have some baby fat? I see a normal kid as I search for evidence of the fat kid that lives in my memory. I don't start seeing something more than normal until I hit puberty - around 13 or 14 I probably carried 5-10 lbs more than I needed. It wasn't until I was 17 that I can start to see something worth my family's comment. By then, in my mind, I had been fat for a decade and I gave up.
I was fat through college. Pizza! Beer! And access to all of the foods that had been denied me for years. About 2 years after college, I got tired of being fat and joined a gym. I worked out regularly and hard. I went to the gym for 2 hrs at least 4 times a week. I lost some weight but still didn't look as good as I should have for the exercise I was getting. Unfortunately this was the early/mid 90's and fat free was king. I was eating rice, bread, pretzels, and pasta to my hearts content because it was Fat! Free! It was practically health food as long as I didn't use butter. I ate almost no protein because animals contained fat. I ate carbs almost exclusively thinking I was eating healthy. I went back to fat for awhile and then got finally got healthy and hit a weight I was happy with. Then pregnancy and a year after giving birth here I am.

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